I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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