OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
