mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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