A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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