shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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