We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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