Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
