I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize