Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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