I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
