I feel great
I just peed on a car
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
