Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
