DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
