I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.