I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
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i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
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I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.