John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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