first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
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my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
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Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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