i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
