I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
