There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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