remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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