I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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