This is not my ceiling
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
