I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
