Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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