Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
