So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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