My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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