I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
