another moral hangover. fuck.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
