I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
