never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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