Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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