I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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