hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It's Friday. Sex?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
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