allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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