Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
