There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
nutella sex= disaster
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
