Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I deserve this hangover.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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