I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
