We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize