my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
