Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
