i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
