do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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