new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
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The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
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I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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