Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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