My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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