we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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