We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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