his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
