Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I pour the whiskey from now on
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
