dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
