so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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