batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
