If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm bleeding and have questions
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
