The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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