I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
