shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
