Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
