I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
