Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
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idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
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That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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