apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either way he was missing a nipple.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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