She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
