Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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