My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
