I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
