the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
