My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
