bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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