so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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