i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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