I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
