just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked my hip out of place.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize