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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
