He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize