Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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