No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I wear drunk well.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
