I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
