2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
