So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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