Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
