how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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