Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
